I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
