gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
