Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
