So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
