some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk is not a location!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
