And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
