Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
