OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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