I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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