I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i've created a new STD.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
