I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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