i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I CAN MOONWALK!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
