If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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