Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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