A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
