And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
