..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
