he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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