May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The uberlube is also flammable
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
