I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
