I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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