yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sex in a hospital.. check
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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