Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
