awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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