you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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