Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
