So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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