STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
