The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
