I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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