A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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