You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
