i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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