I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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