Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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