Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
