I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
