So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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