I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
