dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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