I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
a search helicopter?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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