YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
