he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
