My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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