Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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