Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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