I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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