Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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