Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
