I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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